My Heart Inside
by SakuraBliss
Summary: {Tokio Hotel Bill/Tom fanfic} Inside Bill's mind lies The inner turmoil of feelings for Tom that can no longer be ignored. The feelings that are considered so wrong, but his heart knows is so right. Little does he know that Tom is going through the same exact problem.


(Bill's POV)

I don't know what's wrong with me, I have no idea. Lately I just feel, you know what? I don't know what I feel! Maybe I'm in love with him…. or maybe I'm just going crazy! For some reason I'm beginning to feel attracted to him. Whom, you may ask? My brother, my _twin_, Tom.

I don't knowwhyI feel this way, I just _do_. I've felt like this for a while now. But now it's like it has become worse. I can't stop thinking about him! The way his dreads rest upon his shoulders, how _hot_ he looks when he plays the guitar onstage, and his lip ring! He looks _so sexy_ with that lip ring! See? I don't know _why_ I feel like this! I just _do_!

Oh Tomi… how I long for you to feel the way I do. Maybe, just _maybe_, he feels the way I do. Maybe he's in love with me too! It's a possibility! Then again, knowing Tom, he would probably just _deny _this feeling over and over again. He wouldn't want to believe that he is falling in love with his little brother. Then again _I'm _having a hard time accepting the fact that I'm _in _love with Tom. I know I have feelings for him, and that I'm _attracted _to him, but does that _really_ mean I'm in _love_ with him? Who am I kidding? I _am_ in love with him!

(Tom's POV)

Ugh! I _hate_ this! I hate that I feel like this! No! I deny that I feel like this. There is no way I feel like this! I will _not _admit to _loving _Bill! It's not true! Well it's true that I love him… but not like _that_! I only love him like an older brother should! Nothing _more_.

What would make me love him like that anyways? Oh that's right, _nothing_! I mean come on! Who _would _love him? That wild crazy lion mane hair of his isn't all that great! And he wears makeup too! It doesn't even do anything except make him look _more_ girly than he already is! And those skinny jeans! I mean aren't those made for _girls_ not guys?

Who am I kidding? I _do_ love him like that! Why can't I just _admit_ to loving him like that? It sure would make things hell of a lot easier! I'm having a full on _war_ inside my head! One side saying I love Bill and the other denying everything! I can't keep ignoring these feelings or I'm going to go _crazy_! That is unless I'm _already _crazy!

Yes! That _has_ to be it! I'm crazy! That's all! Crazy! Not in _love_ with Bill! Just _crazy_! So crazy that I _think_ I'm in love with Bill! But I'm not. I'm _totally_ not. I'm not gay. I'm a freaking babe magnet! And I _like_ all the attention I get from chicks! See? That proves it! I _don't_ love Bill like that! There is _no way_ that I do!

(Bill's POV)

I finally made up my mind. I'm going to tell Tom about my feelings. Ugh! I'm so scared! I mean what if he doesn't feel the same? Everything will be ruined! Band rehearsals, interviews, family time, everything _ruined_, just like that_._ How will we write new songs? Tom and I, we write them _together_. He wouldn't want to spend time with me after that, especially _alone_ time with me. And we share a room for god sakes! What if he decides to sleep on the couch? What about all the times that I get scared? What about when I _need_ him? He won't be there!

Relax Bill. Just _relax._ You won't know until you try. Besides what if he _does _like you? And you don't tell him? You know he won't get up the courage to tell you first! It's a risk you're going to have to take. Either don't tell him and risk never knowing the truth or tell him and risk ruining _everything_.

Oh God please help me! Give me the strength I need to get through what I am about to do! Because I choose to tell him! And God am I scared! Oh hell I'm_ afraid_!

(Tom's POV)

Bill and I were upstairs in our room. I was strumming some random chords on the guitar while Bill was doing well, whatever Bill was doing! Anyways I heard him call my name so I immediately stopped strumming.

"T-Tomi?" he said. He sounded a little scared. Why? Why was he scared?

"Yes Bill?"

"There's something I need to tell you…"

"Well what is it?"

"Can you come here?"

I did as he asked and I put down my guitar and walked toward him.

"Sit" he said signaling beside him towards his bed. And again I obeyed.

"So what is it you wanted to tell me Billa?"

"Um… well… the thing is…I uh… I…" he couldn't get the right words out. I can tell. But hell it's annoying me!

"SPIT IT OUT BILL!"At that moment I know I shouldn't have yelled. I wanted to take it back _so_ bad. Bill looked down with a sad look on his face.

"I'm sorry…"

(Bill's POV)

I was about to tell him how I feel. I tried to tell him. But for some reason I couldn't get the words to come out of my mouth and he became agitated. He yelled at me to spit it out. I know why he was angry. I had called him over here to confess my feelings yet the words won't come out. DAMN IT! WHY WON'T THE WORDS COME OUT OF MY STUPID MOUTH! Just _seeing_ him angry upsets me.

I looked down with a sad face and apologized for not being able to say what I wanted to say fast enough. "I'm sorry…" I said and I felt Tom regret immediately for yelling at me.

"No… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I lost my cool for a moment. I'm sorry Billa…"

Why was he apologizing? It's my fault. "It's okay Tomi… I forgive you. I wasn't fast enough to tell you what I wanted to say when I was the one who called you over here. It was my fault Tomi… I'm sorry"

"No Billa. Really _I'm sorry_."

I opened my mouth to protest but he cut me off.

"Just continue Billa, _please_."

"If you want me to… anyways what I wanted to tell you was that I…" I sighed and took a deep breath.

"I love you Tom." I managed to spit out. I closed my eyes. I was afraid of what was going to happen next. I opened my eyes when I didn't hear him say anything. I found that he was just staring at me like I was stupid.

"That's what you were so scared to say Bill? That you love me? You didn't have to be scared to tell me that you love me." he laughed a little and pulled me into a hug. "I love you too Billa…" he whispered. It was at that moment that I realized that he didn't get exactly what it was that I am saying.

I pulled away from him and sighed. "No Tomi… I _love_ you. Do you get why I was so scared now Tomi? I was scared to tell you that I love you, that I am _in _love with you. And I'm still scared Tom…"

He just stared blankly at me. He blinked his eyes a couple times. I can tell that he is surprised at what I just said. And frankly I am too. I am surprised that I actually said that instead of just letting him think that I meant the love that you would say to family and friends instead of the other kind of _love_.

(Tom's POV)

He's _in love_ with me? Of course he is! That's why he was scared to tell me. And _that's_ why he couldn't say the words at first. You idiot! Why didn't you see that at first? I mean come on! The way he stares at you! The way he _always_ wants to spend time with you! And the way he crawls into your bed and wants your comfort when he's scared! You idiot! The signs have always been there! Right in front of your damn face and not _once_ have you noticed!

"Bill… I … I don't know what to say." I said in a low voice, almost a whisper. I could see tears beginning to form in his eyes. They started to fall down his face.

"Then don't say anything." He got up and headed out the door.

"Bill wait!" I grabbed his wrist but he yanked it away.

"Leave me alone…"

"Bill…"

"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" he ran out the door. His tears flew back, a few drops landed on me. I felt the pain in his tears and I heard it in his voice.

I had upset him by not returning his feelings. He wanted me to say that I loved him back. And he wanted me to say it right away. Bill had always been the one to want things the way Bill wanted it, nothing more, nothing less.

I don't see why he expected me to say how I feel right away. The truth is I don't even _know_ how I feel. I thought that I had made it clear to myself that I don't love him like that, and that I am just crazy. But I don't know anymore. Maybe I _do_ love him like that. And maybe I just don't want to admit it.

(Bill's POV)

That night I had slept on the couch downstairs all by myself. Instead of Tom not wanting to sleep in the same room as me, I didn't want to sleep in the same room as _him_. The rest of that week I slept on the couch. I had continued to sleep on the couch till Ma had asked me what my problem was. I had simply told her that I just wanted some time to myself and that I would go back to my room to sleep that night. I didn't want her to know it was because I was mad that Tom didn't love me like I loved him. That would have just made the whole situation worse.

For 3 weeks I ignored Tom. I didn't talk to him unless Ma made me. My plan to ignore Tom for the rest of my life was going good too. Until Gustav and Georg budded in that is.

Apparently Georg and Gustav had found out that Tom and I weren't talking to each other so they bugged me to talk to him. I refused of course, so they went told Tom to talk to me. Of course _he _would! He has been _trying_ to talk to me but I just ignored him so he gave up! But those annoying pests locked us both in our room with no way out so I _had_ to talk to him or they wouldn't let us out! Ooh the nerve of them two! I want to strangle their heads off! But that would only make matters _worse_ because then they would be _haunting_ me instead!

I walked over to my bed and laid down facing the ceiling. Tom followed me and sat down beside me. I immediately sat up.

"What do _you_ want?" I hissed.

"Bill… I'm sorry."

"Well I don't care!"

"Billa…" he put his hand on my shoulder.

"Get off me!" I pushed his hand off my shoulder.

"Look Billa…"

"No _you_ look '_Tomi'_! Just leave me the fuck alone! I don't want to talk to you! I _never _want to talk to you!"

(Tom's POV)

Ugh! He is being _so_ difficult! I just want to punch him in the face and yell at him to listen! But that won't work, punching him the face that is.

"LISTEN TO ME DAMN IT! I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING BILL!" I lost it and started yelling. Tears threatened to fall from his face. "I KNOW YOU'RE MAD AT ME! AND YOU'RE GOING TO STAY MAD IF YOU KEEP IGNORING ME!"

And there it went. The tears started to slowly fall down his face. I took a deep breath to calm down and to keep from yelling.

"Bill… I've been wanting to tell you that I'm sorry." He sniffled and I continued. "And that I love you…"

"Tomi… we already went through this… I don't love you like that. I love you _more_ than that!"

"No Billa. I _love _you. I'm _in_ love with you. And I'm sorry I didn't realize that sooner."

He sniffled again. "Are you for real Tom? You love me too? You're not lying are you? Because that would just be mean…"

I nodded and hugged him. "Yes Billa… I love you…"

I pulled away and wiped some of his tears away.

"And you would've known that sooner too if you weren't ignoring me!"

"I'm sorry Tomi… I just… I was just so hurt and caught up in what I wanted to happen that night that I couldn't bear to talk to you when I knew that you didn't love me back…"

"Billa…" I leaned down and kissed him. It was a short yet passionate kiss.

"I've always loved you. I was just too stupid to admit it…I'm sorry Billa…"

(Bill's POV)

I looked up at him and smiled that goofy smile. "It's okay Tomi!"

"Good…" he said. "Now where were we?"

He leaned back down and kissed me again, this time longer, and with tongue. It seemed like our lips were locked for what seemed like forever. We didn't break the kiss until we both needed air. And when that time came, we were in perfect sync, like always.

_Brothers. _

_Twins._

_Together forever._

_Forever in sync. _

_The way i feel._

_My Heart Inside._


End file.
